Tomatoes cont...

“Oh?”

There was a rather mysterious smile on her face. “Well,” she said, “old bastard Petersen, he’s so mean, he would never let Suyen part with a single one of his blessed tomatoes so this afternoon, when I realized I was missing a vegetable course and I didn’t want to go all the way to the market, I stole the tomatoes from his garden.”

“Oh my God!” I said, bursting out laughing.

“I hope the flavour wasn’t caused by a chemical or anything like that,” said Judy. She had started going back upstairs. Suddenly she stopped in her tracks, then, her mouth fell open. She brought her hands to her face to half-hide its look of horror. “Oh my God! Oh my God! Maybe Suyen used a chemical in her garden and it made her sick. Oh no! Do you think that could be why she got so sick? Oh no! Stupid me, I always assumed that Suyen didn’t use anything unnatural on her garden.” She shook her head in despair. Then she seemed to get a hold of herself, and she said, more to reassure herself than because she believed it, “But no, I’m sure she doesn’t. I would know if she did.”

“I’m sure she doesn’t,” I said.

“You know me,” said Judy, still obviously worried that we had all been poisoned, “I have been known to forget to wash fresh vegetables.”

“Oh no! Oh no!” I was bent in two, laughing even louder this time.

“Well, it isn’t that funny!” said Judy, looking down at me, rather angrily.

“You did that, Judy? You stole them and then you forgot to wash them?” I w ent on laughing thunderously; I couldn’t stop.

“What’s the big deal?” asked Judy. “I mean, it’s not the end of the world. Surely he’s not going to miss a couple of tomatoes. And I won’t be sent to jail or to hell for stealing a few vegetables from a mean old man.”

“I just can’t imagine you stealing vegetables from someone’s garden, that’s all,” I said, finally managing to regain a bit of composure. She climbed up the last few steps and I retreated into the kitchen where, bent in two, laughing, (as silently as I could), I tried to put a straight face on before following her to the bedroom.

You see, now that I knew her secret, I could have explained the whole thing to her but she would not have appreciated it one single bit, and not wishing to bring down her wrath upon me, I refrained from elucidating the mystery of the unspeakably delicious tomatoes. You see, I also had a confession to make but I decided to button my lips. Even between husband and wife, some secrets are best kept untold.

Yes, I know, I know. It had been totally childish of me to act on impulse and do what I did but what can I say! The devil made me do it. I’m telling you, I just couldn’t help it. I hate the guy! Despise him! Cannot stand him! Could not from Day One.